Thursday, October 30, 2003

Readers, (yeah, you)

We're having a birthday. Said "birthday" is tomorrow. We will be a year old.

Very strange, almost alarming.

Will have worthwhile, birthdayesque post for tomorrow.

In the meantime, continue to talk amonst yourselves.

Pondering the concept of blog-middle-age,
The Management

Heather at 9:44 AM


Sunday, October 26, 2003

I'm sure this is how anya spent her weekend.

Heather at 10:55 AM


Thursday, October 23, 2003

I've had a scary-headache night. And an I-really-want-to-be-with-my-boyfriend night.

Relationships constantly strike me as strange, once you're in them, realizing you're thinking about things and dealing with things that would have never even existed if some cosmic force hadn't positioned your life in this direction.

Tonight I'm cursing Winn-Dixie inventory, and the fact that my man will be working long hours all weekend.

I want to write poetry. And sleep.

But in the meantime, I'll be listening to this.

Heather at 7:30 PM


Tuesday, October 21, 2003

If today were a novel, the back would read

Today was remarkably devoid of any tragic occurances, including but not limited to the following:
*students spazzing out, screaming all over the place, passing contagious verbal diarrhea about the classroom, etc.
*unpleasant run-ins with any of the multitude of incompetent/pmsing/loud/obnoxious faculty members
*fits of worry and anxiety leaving my stomach all tied up in knots and my heart racing
*unfortunate and uncontrolable afternoon frizz

Actually, had quite a lovely day filled with the following:
*Cherry Brandy Cover Girl nailslicks, now adorning both my toe AND finger nails and new Jane magazine
*Car ride with John and pleasant mix cd
*Art project on living room floor for now less than two hours of my evening
*Comfortably unmade bed for afternoon napping

Tomorrow, anticipate having hellish day as evil cosmic payback for today complete with:
*Actual anxiety attack over something to be revealed later as entirely trivial
*Morning coffee that is either too bitter or has too much creamer in it
*Highly unpredictable, anti-pavlovian bell schedule
*Absence of "boyfriend" comfort in evening due to damn trip to Columbus

Heather at 8:29 PM


Monday, October 20, 2003

In Lieu of Tradition

I’ve decided to post my proposed Christmas gifts for everyone online, and leave things open to comment. Don’t like what I’m getting you? Say so. Have a better suggestion? Something you can’t live without? Now is the time to say that. Again, all mentions of gifts are entirely hypothetical. Lack of funds, horrible fights/breakups, and other unforeseen events might take you out of the present realm all together. It’s entirely up to you to maintain your status as ‘one of the cool people.’

Homemade ‘The Shitty Jennifers’ T-shirt, and assorted other cool stuff that I wanted to buy for myself but couldn’t justify spending money on

Homemade 'The Shitty Jennifers' T-shirt, and something daddy-ish

Every cute little baby thing in the world, including but not limited to, a trunk load full of books, adorable clothes, teeny tiny shoes, and lots of very soft things

Something insanely girly and un-mommyish to renew her knowledge that she’s still a young, sexy girl

My mom:
Something insanely girly and un-mommyish to renew her knowledge that she’s still a young, sexy girl

My dad:
A million dollars

“The Boyfriend”:
Some damn clothes, Happy for Men, and the DVDs he keeps meaning to buy but never gets around to buying

John: ??

Erin: ??

This one I really can’t say, but I have a wonderful idea, and she needs something to make her feel wonderful, so I’m going to do the absolute best I can. (Meanwhile, Lizzie is thinking… “Damnit Heather! I didn't just read this whole entry to not find out what my present is!?!”)

Some Art-ala-Heather, as she is one of the remaining “important people” not to receive any.

Random Girl Gift: Something jewelry-ish, same as last year, but current with the season's trends of course

Random Boy Gift: Nada. Giving random boy gifts when one has a "boyfriend" is forbidden in all 50 states, or so I've been told.

Heather at 7:56 AM


Thursday, October 16, 2003

Cackling Baseball Fans Need to Die

I would be posting about my novel-to-be, but such news seems to be going over like a lead balloon. I know my friends tend to have a "We'll believe it when we see it" attitude about all-things-heather, but seriously people, this is cool shit. But on to the more eventful news of the day *drumroll please* presented to you in the ever popular bulleted list style.

1. A certain person needs to get the hell out of my house because if she doesn't, I'm seriously going to do harm to myself or others. Seriously.

2. My boyfriend did two terribly cute things today. (insert gagging noise here.)
2A: Boyfriend was attending local "discount tobacco establishment" while on cell phone with yours truly and explicitly requested that his free lighter (with purchase of carton, of course) be orange "because I've got this girl that just has to have orange lighters." (swoon)
2B: When discussing the fact that we haven't actually seen each other since the god-o'clock on Monday morning, he went into some sort of soapbox lecture on how he didn't absolutely have to see me every day and how hearing my voice was enough and made mention of the fact that "In a couple of weeks (I'll) be writing my novel and (I) won't have much time for him at all" as if it were the most sensible, done-deal thing he'd ever heard of in his life.

3. Lizzie and I have had ridiculous girly online, oh-my-god-those-shoes-are-SO-cute chats for the past two nights in a row and it's done something lovely for my attitude and general outlook on the world.

4. The Shitty Jennifers RULE.

Heather at 9:10 PM


Wednesday, October 15, 2003

It's already totally worth it.

First thing this morning:
Student: "Hey, Ms. J, you know that book thing?"
Me: "That book I let Colleen borrow?"
S: No, the writing thing.
M: The novel thing? Where you write your own? and you devote your entire life to it?
S: Yea, I want to do that.
M: Seriously?
S: Yeah, maybe we should start a club for it or something.
M: Um, yeah, what? You want to write a novel? and we need a club? yes, god yes, we need a club. What a fantastic idea? You're going to write a novel with me? This is the best idea EVER!

So far there are 14 willing to take the challenge. We'll see how many stick it out until tomorrow.

Heather at 9:25 AM


Tuesday, October 14, 2003

Yeah, in case we've all forgotten, I'm an idiot.

Instead of "planning" during my "planning period," I was surfing the net like I always do, hunting down cute little shops that carry lovely hand-crafted things straight from nice urban areas where people walk down sidewalks and use public transportation and do all sorts of other fascinating things that are notably absent from my oh-so-green-acres existence.

And somehow, in the fury of point and click, I stumbled upon something that is sure to be my undoing. How this something had escaped my attention for so long is beyond me, unless of course the world was mounting a concious effort to keep it from me (which is entirely possible).

That something is nanowrimo. In short, you write a novel (of at least 50,000 words) between November 1st and November 30th. Yes, that's right, an entire novel in a month. Roughly 1700 words a day.

I've already signed up. I've already decided to give a month of my life to this. No more of this "I want to be a writer" bullshit and driveling. I'm gonna do it and you can't stop me. (insert cackle here)

Feel free to leave comments suggesting witty plot outlines, or even a freakin title. I'm sort of starting from zero here. All assistance will be appreciated and rewarded.

Heather at 7:53 PM


Monday, October 13, 2003

My boyfriend is magic in a bottle

Picture it...
Saturday night, margaritas (literally) by the gallon, and a wee little Heather determined to forget the fact that she had a terrible time the night before and prove to everyone that "Heather can party."

Approximately 5 margaritas later, I endured the following conversation/ series of events:
me: "I think I'm gonna puke."
him: "Really, well, don't puke here. We'll go to the porto-potty."
(Yes, that says porto-potty. Try and save yourself the visual.)
m: ok. let's go.
(proceed to over-used porto-potty, go in, slam and lock door on concerned boyfriend)
h: you okay in there? I was gonna come in and help you.
m: (screaming) I can freakin PUKE by my SELF!
(puking and more puking into porto-potty)
(proceed to five minutes later)

h: I think it's time to take you home.
m: garble, garble, um, garble, yeah
h: Let's get you to the truck.
(in truck)
m: (crying) You're so wonderful. You're taking such good care of me. I've never had anyone to take care of me while I'm drunk.
(Insert Lizzie apology here. In my drunken stupor I conveniently forgot the thonged-ass-falling-off-bed incident. Maybe I meant i'd never had a BOY to take care of a drunken Heather.)
(proceed to five minutes later, at home)
(Heather wanders in, takes off all her clothes. Crawls into bed and sleeps it off only to wake up at five, take ibuprophen to fend off oncoming hangover and then puke AGAIN as ibuprophen decides it doesn't agree with poor little Heather's tummy.)

Heather at 6:55 PM


Thursday, October 09, 2003

Things that could make this mess better

Moral standards
A shower
No more homecoming
Divine intervention
A daddy phone call
A cigarette
More caffiene
An oil change
A day off
A good book
A tremendous hug
A boyfriend who really understands
what in the world
is going on with this
and that he is this --> <-- close
to losing me
and having me
come back.

Heather at 7:43 AM


Wednesday, October 08, 2003

Totally uncreative, yet entirely creepy

I'm brainless and I took Anya's color quiz thingie and the results have me a bit freaked out. Stunning accuracy, if I do say so myself...

Your Existing Situation
Attracted by anything new, modern, or intriguing. Liable to the bored by the humdrum, the ordinary, or the traditional.

Your Stress Sources
Wishes to be independent, unhampered, and free from any limitation or restriction, other than those which she imposes of herself or by her own choice and decision.

Your Restrained Characteristics
The situation is preventing her from establishing herself, but she feels she must make the best of things as they are.
Feels trapped in a distressing or uncomfortable situation and seeking some way of gaining relief. Able to achieve satisfaction from sexual activity.

Egocentric and therefore quick to take offense. Sensitive and sentimental, but conceals this from all except those very close to him.

Your Desired Objective
Feels exhausted by conflict and quarreling and desires protection from them. Needs peaceful conditions and a tranquil environment in which to relax and recover.

Your Actual Problem
Fears that her independence will be threatened or severely restricted unless she protects herself from outside influence. Does not want to be bothered.

Heather at 11:02 AM


Because the band wagon has cruise and leather interior

1. Your name spelled backwards: Rehtaeh
2. Where were your parents born? Nashville, TN and Selma, AL
3. What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer? Lots and lots of wicked cool fonts
4. What's your favorite restaurant? Panera Bread Co. when I'm at home. Spices in DC. The Shelton House in the Delta (and for whenever I'm feeling like a grandma)
5. Last time you swam in a pool? A couple of months ago at the Y with Tina and Sarah.
6. Have you ever been in a school play? Actually, no, in spite of my new role as Dynamo-Drama-Teacher
7. How many kids do you want? Either 3 or none at all.
8. Type of music you dislike most? Jazz kinda makes me crazy.
9. Are you registered to vote? Yes.
10. Do you have cable? How in the world would I watch The Real World without it?
11. Have you ever ridden on a moped? No, but I think I need to buy a seafoam green one and ride it around the Delta. Then I could be "that moped girl."
12. Ever prank call anybody? Heck yeah.
13. Ever get a parking ticket? Never.
14. Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving? Totally. But I'd probably need to be naked and drunk.
15. Furthest place you ever traveled? Washington DC. Pitiful, isn't it?
16. Do you have a garden? I have two potted mums. They're dying. That should tell you something.
17. What's your favorite comic strip? Boondocks
18. Do you really know all the words to your national anthem? I think so. Will there be a test?
19. Bath or Shower, morning or night? Night shower, so that the hair can "cure" while I'm sleeping.
20. Best movie you've seen in the past month? Love and Sex.
21. Favorite pizza topping? Mushrooms.
22. Chips or popcorn? Chips.
23. What color lipstick do you usually wear? Revlon Colorglide Sheer in something raspberryish.
24. Have you ever smoked peanut shells? No, dude, can you do that?
25. Have you ever been in a beauty pageant? Absolutely. And I lost. Go figure.
26. Orange Juice or apple? OJ
27. Who was the last person you went out to dinner with and where did you dine? At Garfields with Lizzie, Duncan, John, "the boyfriend," and some other chick.
28. Favorite type chocolate bar? Snickers Almond
29. When was the last time you voted at the polls? Pres. Election of 2000.
30. Last time you ate a homegrown tomato? Tomatoes, YUCK.
31. Have you ever won a trophy? Totally.
32. Are you a good cook? When I actually cook, sure.
33. Do you know how to pump your own gas? If I didn't, it be very hard to get places.
34. Ever order an article from an infomercial? Not that I recall. Although, that one time in Memphis with the State Quarter Beanie Babies, I was very tempted.
35. Sprite or 7-up? 7-up.
36. Have you ever had to wear a uniform to work? Nope.
37. Last thing you bought at a pharmacy? A Disposable Camera
39. Would you prefer being a millionaire or find true love? True Love
40. Do you believe in love at first sight? Yeah
41. Ever call a 1-900 number? Nope
42. Can ex's be friends? They can think that we're friends, but they shouldn't wait for me to call or expect to hang out or anything.
43. Who was the last person you visited in a hospital? CASSIE!!! And new little LUCAS!!! Best hopsital visit EVER.
44. Did you have a lot of hair when you were a baby? None whatsoever.
45. What message is on your answering machine? "Hi, you've reached heather's phone. I'm not anwering right now, so leave a message and I might get back to you."
46. What's your all time favorite Saturday Night Live Character?
47. What was the name of your first pet? Mikey
48. What is in your purse? Wallet, Moleskin journal, 5 Condoms, 3 pens, menu from Atlanta Bread Company, Calculator, Cell phone, Sophomore Homecoming t-shirt money, cigs, trash
49. Favorite thing to do before bedtime? Read with my purple mini-mag flashlight.
50. What is one thing you are grateful for today? My ultra-cool pink jacket.

Heather at 10:20 AM


Monday, October 06, 2003

Yeah, dude, I'm home.

Things I accomplished this weekend:
1. Skipped class without actually contacting the professor (although I did make several vigilant-seeming attempts.)
2. Met a new little Johnston.
3. Put 1000 miles on my car.
4. Learned new rap songs ala Ashley.
5. More than likely ran my cell phone bill up to some ungodly sum closely resembling a kazillion dollars.
6. Did absolutely nothing for school.
7. Learned how to hold a baby, hum, and walk at the same time.
8. Saw my daddy cry in the sweetest, most humble way imaginable.
9. Slept in a super comfy bed at the Sheraton last night.
10. Found out so much about myself that I'm wondering how I'm going to be reabsorbed into my world tomorrow.

Now, any questions?

Heather at 4:09 PM