Wednesday, July 30, 2003

I'm pretty sure that today sucked. We have compiled a list of evidence supporting such:

1. I am back to being alone in this damn huge house due to John's hasty return home to take care of family stuff.
2. Five slow hours in a car.
3. Unreturned text messages, and tardily returned phone calls.
4. The lingering feeling that I've forgotten something immensely important.
5. Something that is beginning to feel a lot like depression.
6. The thought that I'm smothering my very new, very exciting romance.

In cross-examination, the following evidence was revealed to prove that I might very well be full of shit:
1. Last night, five a.m. (details will not be forth coming)
2. A boy who will play "Crazy in Love" without being asked, while I'm in the bathroom so that I can dance and sing undisturbed.
3. My house is still pretty darn cool.

Heather at 5:30 PM


Sunday, July 27, 2003

So, when I am bored, I sit at home and type random things on my computer, and follow links from one lame website to the next. And once in a while I find something that makes me laugh my ass off, and it is in those moments that I think, "Hey, maybe the people who read the blog would laugh their asses off, too." Feel free to thank me in the form of blank checks of fresh baked goods.

The site is, and in order to mine the depths of their genius, simply type in anything (I used names) to discover what the internet already knows about you. For example purposes, I'll post my two favorite lists supplied by Googlism, one concerning my apparently very ambitious brother, and the other for my dad. Try not to laugh so hard that you injure yourself.

A search for Todd Johnston yielded the following:
todd johnston is a newly appointed ambassador and will serve the miami/fort lauderdale
todd johnston is also an active consultant with non
todd johnston is heading up the project
todd johnston is she"
Um, not so sure about that last one. Feel free to leave feedback or conjecture in the comments.

And Roger Johnston, for which the last statement is quite possibly the funniest thing I've ever read:
roger johnston is technically orientated executive with extensive experience in general and marketing management
roger johnston is a project and team leader in the chemical science and technology division at los alamos national laboratory
roger johnston is executive vice president and chief credit
roger johnston is a man rapidly approaching middle age
roger johnston is how polite he is
roger johnston is named "wanker of the week" for some damn fool thing he did

Now, go have fun, kids!

Heather at 6:49 PM


This is the best I can do, seriously.

I wrote a long email to a friend this morning, to recap the weekend, and now I'm going to be superlame and post the email to inform the rest of the world about the weekend. There are reasons that I'm not writing real posts, and I'm sure I'll get to them eventually. But most of the appropriate people have been informed of the problems, so if you're not in the know, don't worry your pretty little head because all will be revealed in time.

Unnamed Friend,

Hmm, the weekend. Thus far it's been pretty eventful, and with any luck, tonight will be fun as well, since it will be our next-to-last Sunday night of freedom, before school starts back.

Thursday night was a complicated mess. I went to a party with my friends, didn't know anyone there, and thirty minutes into it the guy that I'm currently dating called to say that he was in fact NOT leaving for St. Louis (at least not until the morning) and that I should come to Cleveland. (The party was in Lake Village.) I decided to go, but as soon as I walked out of the house, my friend's dog was hit by a car and killed. A bit of a downer, to say the least. But I went to Cleveland anyway, after an interlude of grief counseling, and proceeded to keep aformentioned boy up until 3:15, precisely fifteen minutes before he had to leave to drive to St. Louis, because I'm just that sort of girl.

Friday night we decided to go out and were on our way to check out a new bar on Poplar when we realized that Afroman was performing at One Block and made a beeline there (because Afroman in Greenville is not to be missed, under any circumstance.) I managed to get us in for free, employing the ever-useful "we're poor teachers" excuse, and we enjoyed afroman with a not entirely enthusiastic crowd of about thirty people. It was more like having Afroman play in your living room than a real club show, but my friend Jenny managed to get Afroman's kids (who were backing up the band on keyboards) to have a dance off and then win the undying love and affection of Afroman himself, leading us all to speculate about who would be sleeping where if Jenny did in fact decide to bring Afroman home. But apparently Jenny was more interested in charming the kids than in charming the one and only Afroman so the fun ended there, except for the fact that John did manage to get Afroman's autograph which was recorded in my very own journal.

Last night was by far the most eventful, mainly because we were the centers of attention for an extended period of time. To introduce my two newest friends to Greenville night life, we took them to the Sandbar so that we could all proceed to sing our asses off. We made the ill-advised decision to start the night off with a Dixie Chicks song, which got cries of "we don't like that shit in here" from the old foogies at the bar, who in fact had no right to say anything because not once did they sing. But thanks to the mesmerizing capabilities of my tubetop and hair flinging, the bar guys were won over by the end of the song and after a couple more numbers we were actually getting requests from random people in the bar. (Not that we can actually sing, I think it was much more of a stage presence issue; that, and they probably just wanted to watch semi-pretty girls get up on stage and dance around.) I sang at least six times that I can remember (the bar was pretty empty) and probably a couple more times that I've forgotten. The night's premiere performance came when our all-girl quartet decided to sing Bootylicious (and dance of course). We were dazzling. And then a guy was supposed to sing "strokin" immediately after and refused to get on stage. To which, Sarah grabbed the mic from the host guy, walked over to the chicken-guy's table and said, "So what you're trying to tell us is that you're not ready for this jelly?" It was absolutely so much fun that it should have been illegal.

I suppose that's all the news that's fit to print. I'm rather thankful that I've had an interesting weekend. It wouldn't be good if you had to live vicariously through my typical "sit on the couch and watch Trading Spaces" weekend.


Heather at 11:06 AM


Saturday, July 26, 2003

Composing from within the shit list...


We totally got you Afroman's autograph tonight. Does that fix anything?


Heather at 12:31 AM


Tuesday, July 15, 2003

In Remembrance

Lizzie called yesterday, and we had our usually who-is-doing-whom conversation which drifted into an oration on how much this summer sucks and how it appears to be getting even suckier as the days go by (in spite of how much attention some of us are getting).

And so, in honor of last summer, which may have been the coolest summer of my young life, I found a link to serve as an homage of sorts to everything that summer is (and always will be) in our memories. I present to you the Ya-Ya Name Generator.

When experimenting on my own, I discovered the following, all-too-truthful results: (Real names appear in italics, and last names have been omitted to protect the innocent.)
*Princess Serious-as-a-Heartattack Heather
*Viscountess Young Chicken Carole
*Duchess Chirps Like a Bluejay Amber
*Viscountess Purrs Like a Kitten Lizzie
... apparently our noble prez has some animal issues she isn't telling us about.
*Countess Similing Coyote Carey
*Countess Cold Shower Faith
*Viscountess Runs-with-the-bulls Erin
*Princess Weeping River Amy

I'll try to refrain from comment about the ridiculous accuracy of some of the above names, and instead I'll go get some damn sleep.

Heather at 11:05 PM


One random thought after another.

Does anyone else go to the hoopla 500, read the first paragraph and then close the window so that you can save it for later? Or is that just me...

Heather at 6:38 PM


Sunday, July 13, 2003

The continued adventures of bored heather

My day went a little something like this...

Wake-up to ringing phone
Answer, talk talk, fix coffee, talk talk
Paint rocking chair on porch
Attempt laundry
read approx. 10 pages
attempt laundry
read approx. 4 pages
(repeat above 3 steps approx. 4000 times)
Have weird phone conversation with J.B. while he plays cards with very young girl
Have rockin phone conversation with Ash-pea about Dance Fever!
Rediscover the art of clogging
Learn about Platinum Plus
attempt laundry

p.s. Been working on Faith's blog all day. It isn't finished yet, but it's starting to look sort of nifty.

Heather at 6:50 PM


Thursday, July 10, 2003

I'd like to think that with maturity comes the ability to say, "yes, these are the days that might mean something in the future," and the comfort of knowing it's still okay to spend time watching the cars pass and making the bed.

If you haven't already, go read the hoopla 500.

Heather at 6:46 PM


Wednesday, July 09, 2003


I would like to officially state that I am not the least bit appreciative of the incessant Samantha suggestions. And to prove it, I'm posting my results as well. I TOLD you losers I was Carrie.

carole "sure as hell sounds a lot like carrie" hickey

Which Sex and the City Vixen Best Matches Your Sex Style?

Heather at 1:07 PM


Oh my good lord, the archives work. Somebody better bring me a cookie or get me a gold star.

Heather at 11:34 AM


Sometimes you just need to spend the morning watching Dawson's Creek and eating cereal with a book on your lap, because it's the summer DAMNIT!

Heather at 11:27 AM


Tuesday, July 08, 2003

Things to do on a boring, sweaty day:
1. Make lists on blog
2. Go to post office so that bills will be vaguely on time
3. Grocery shop with the entire population of your hometown
4. End grocery shopping with fifteen minute stint in line while all frozen foods proceed to thaw
5. Wear short dress on front porch, sit inappropriately, and wait for passing cars to notice
6. Get online dating advice from dearest friend and nod sincerely to self at suggestion of "scavenger hunt"
7. Consider vacuuming newly deflowered living room floor
8. Consider merits of increasingly confusing dating-triumvirate
9. Consider merits of may-december romance that is actually more of may-july romance.
10. Ponder philosophical significance of unceasing requests to "get naked"

Heather at 6:33 PM


Something is very wrong with this blog. If you're reading this, then the cat sacrifice I did earlier must have worked.

Heather at 3:48 PM


Thursday, July 03, 2003

sometimes everything really is perfect.

The following conversation took place in a smoke-filled microbrewery while seated between the two men I love most in the world (with the exception of Todd, of course) during last week's Nashville excursion.

Me: "Hey look! Strom Thurmond is dead!"
J: "And sodomy is legal. Wait, sodomy is legal and Strom Thurmond is dead?"
R: "Yup, must have killed him."

Heather at 7:07 PM