Sunday, March 14, 2004
Re: Where the hell have you been?
In short, a lot of places and nowhere. I took off for a while, gas in the car and enough panties to see me through. I tried to say that I wasn't in search of anything, that it was just an ordinary trip (since I'm always taking off in my car since I adore driving so much). Of course, the truth of the matter is that I was desperate for that answer, that opening of the skies where I get to figure out what it is I'm supposed to be doing with the next year of my life.There weren't angels singing or visions in the middle of the night or anything quite as dramatic as I would have hoped for. I suppose, now that the break is over, it all boils down to a lot of thinking on the open road and two versions of the exact same conversation. There were lots of mentions of "settling," of "being comfortable," of "doing what's right for me." There were tears by the bucket full (as there always are when I realize that I'm up against something that might actually be bigger than me). And in the end, everyone pretty much had the same answerless story to tell: Wait it out and you will know what is right for you. You are the only one that can answer this question.
And now, even though a week's search for clarity has left me more muddled and confused than I ever thought I could be, I know a few things for sure. (If anyone else is in the same boat, maybe these might be helpful.)
1. Never doubt the wisdom of people that love you unconditionally.
2. Never think that your dream job doesn't exist. Mine came open on Friday, I found the listing today, and I hope to have my application in by Wednesday. (And yes, I realize that I just totally jinxed it.)
3. Have faith in the power of the open road (even when it's plagued with flash floods and wind advisories). The big giant answers might not be hidden on it, but at least you can put some distance between you and what has been bothering you.
Heather at 6:26 PM
