Tuesday, February 24, 2004
Warning: Big Freaking Sacrilege Ahead (Subtitled: At least I said "freaking.")
The Lenten season appears to be upon us. (This having been brought to my attention by two gentlemen, one of whom felt compelled to call me on the way home from Mardi Gras (I'm sure it wasn't some weird titty-related synapse connection) and the other who gets the "funniest joke of last night" award for pledging to give up celibacy for Lent.) So I've been thinking, maybe it's time for me to get in the spirit of things. Maybe I should jump on that tiny band-wagon-o-religion and give something up. And then I remembered the old adage that "Heather" is one letter away from "heathen," which I followed with an extended period of convoluted logic, giving credible reasons for me to not actually give up anything. Anyway, here's my little post-it to Jesus. If that isn't who I'm supposed to be addressing this correspondence to, somebody get back to me on this. I'd hate for this to get lost in the mail.Dear Lord and Savior (aka that "dude" in that new Mel Gibson movie),
I know I should give up something for Lent. All the cool kids are doing it. And when I was 13 and prayed really really hard to get to be one of the cool kids and then the next weekend a popular girl started calling me and then we got to hang out and it was awesome, I became a believer in the power of prayer, so, like, I owe you one or something.
But you see, Jesus, I'm having a hard time coming up with something to give up for Lent. Thus far I've considered the following:
- Smoking (a possibility, but the portfolio is due on Saturday, and I have to smoke a lot before then to keep me motivated and I'll have to smoke afterwards to celebrate, so this one just sucks)
- Sex (um, just no)
- How about casual sex? (again, I don't think I'm really feeling you on this whole "no sex" thing)
- Drinking (please refer to above mentions of portfolios, celebrations, etc.)
- Caffiene (I skipped my coffee on Sunday and I thought I might die.)
- So what about just coffee? (But it's so goooood)
- Not doing laundry (This could work to a certain degree. Maybe if I decided to have all my laundry done by the end of Lent...)
So Jesus, really, I've got nothing. And you've still got the whole "son of God" and "died for our sins" thing working for you, so surely you can come up with something. I'm still open to suggestions, as long as none of them reference the aformentioned I-totally-can't-live-without-them items.
Thanks and stuff,
LaMagnolia
Heather at 6:25 PM
