Sunday, February 15, 2004
Dreaming in Reverse
I will spend my day listening to ani difrancoAnd taking deep breathes that I think make things better
Trying not to realize that I’m slipping
When what kills are the things that I can’t help remembering
And I always wanted to write you poetry
That was bigger than anything that was going on
That was true love and eyelid kisses
That was a dozen roses and contrived near misses
Because all along I saw the you you never were
In your head or mine, on journal pages and receipts
I saw a dreamer and a planner, a balanced checkbook
Holding my breath, waiting for you to look
And I said I couldn’t love you if you never
Made me cry with the thought of losing you
Until I felt the weight of your absence with my head
Face down in a pillow, saline dripping and dead
Now we’re lost in that place where people
Forget which way they came in
And I want to remember the look of your driveway
Turn my stereo down when you grin
That disapproving way I came to know
That meant you would never understand
But there was something I was doing right
Even knowing that none of this was ever planned.
So here I am at my most vulnerable
Mascara streaked and waiting
Knowing things can’t get worse or better
Typing and silence, cold logic and debating
Heather at 3:51 PM
