Thursday, January 15, 2004

Rose: Tell me, is it possible to love two men at the same time?
Blanche: Set the scene, have we been drinking?
--The Golden Girls

Anya said it best when she reminded me that the "Heather New Year" technically doesn't begin for two more weeks. So, hurrah for me for doing a bit of closet-cleaning at the dawn of everyone else's New Year. So, in accordance with the theme and in a nod to the noble and like-minded Breakup Babe, a run down of all the has-beens, wanna-bes, and current boy toys. Enjoy.

Hipster Boy (January)
Pro: Made an Amelie reference and expected me to get it after only knowing me for two hours.
Con: Young, girlfriend, pothead

Probably Bought his Izods at an Outlet Mall Boy (February)
Pro: He was there.
Con: I think he was dull as toast but I was too drunk to remember.

Bad Idea Karaoke Boy (aka N.C.B. and/or FBBJ) (April)
Pro: Gave us the most memorable acronyms of 2003
Con: Generally creepy redneck, camper on truck, ghetto booty

Flighty Pot-head Boy (April, October, December, ?)
Pro: Funny, witty, cynical, cool dog
Con: A poorly timed fling with a local "news girl"

Grab-Ass Redneck Boy (June)
Pro: Tall, cuddly, adored me
Con: Republican, saw no meaning in the job that I'm doing, overly aggressive

Entirely-too-young Narcissistic Boy (July)
Pro: Muscley, thought he was really smart.
Con: In reality, actually very dumb. Oh, and a liar. Not good.

Porn-owning Asexual Boy (July - January)
Pro: My working-definition of a "cute guy"
Con: Workaholic, libido-challenged (with a porn collection?!? hello?!) bore

On the Road Again Boy (November)
Pro: Extremely educated, witty, good listener, cool scar
Con: Perpetually travelling and/or missing

God bless 2004 and the exploits (sexual and otherwise) that are yet to come. It's nice to look back on a year and be able to say "Holy shit, how am I ever going to top that?"

Heather at 5:26 PM

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