Sunday, January 26, 2003
A Letter to the President...ref. click hereDear Ms. President,
According to our recent findings you have made leaps and bounds toward a fully adult existence. As the founder and president of our organization, we applaud our efforts, but we must say that we are a bit concerned. Our organization is still young, and in our infancy we are certain that we will need your immense slutty guidance for many years to come. While we are certain it is good for your emotional stability to be moving on from said "ridiculously overappreciated" ex boyfriends, we want to make sure that this organization still lies at the heart of your priorities. In order to maintain your position and prevent a violent coup, we recommend that you examine the following demands, um..., requests:
(If you do indeed agree to comply with said requests, please email the second in command to insure your future as the head of our organization)
1. Present oneself in a slutty manner at any time that an officer of the organization feels it would be appropriate. (ex. Murph's, Longshot, Any location within the city limits of Memphis, the Days Inn, whenever another officer is dressed in a slutty manner, etc.)
2. Expect sluttiness from your fellow officers, even when you have other things on your mind. For instance, future performances, like that of 1/25/2003 when you willingly allowed an officer to visit an establishment that sold alcohol with absolutely NO makeup on, will not be tolerated.
3. Reserve the right to kiss (or at least talk about kissing) random members of the male species that you might meet while practicing the basic principles of our organization.
4. Hold all officers with the highest esteem and applaud any and all of their attempts at sluttiness.
5. Continue to smoke while standing, sitting, squatting, sleeping, eating, and any other time when one might feel it is appropriate.
6. Recall the founding principles of our organization and hold them close to your heart at all times.
If you find that these demands/requests are both sound and reasonable, we appreciate your continued role as our fearless leader. We know that we would not be where we are today if it hadn't been for your intergral role in our organization.
Sincerely,
Heather C. Johnston
Vice-President
speaking on behalf of all officers, members, pledges, and future members
Heather at 7:41 PM
