Monday, January 27, 2003
22 - The Year in ReviewHow can I summarize a year that has been perhaps the most tumultuous and rewarding of my life? It seems like an insurmountable task, especially when there are Drama notes to be written and lessons to plan, but the "birthday eve" is one of the most sacred of holidays, so it goes without question that somehow I will find the time tonight to complete this entry. It is certain to be rambling and entirely too long, but maybe in writing it I'll find a few misplaced pieces of myself and leave something to pass along to whoever is bored enough to be reading this.
I don't know if I'm a better person now than I was a year ago, but I'm certainly different. The same on the most basic level; still mean, still determined, still messy, still dreamy. The changes are all in the texture, in the details. The soundtrack has shifted in a slightly happier direction, but whether that is wishful thinking or truly the manifestation of a more delightful existence is hard to say. And now that I'm leaving 22, like a dismal interstate rest stop, I feel like there is something I need to justify, but I can't say exactly what it is. It seems that the only thing I've ever done is find the next dream and accomplish it; a series of stepping stones on the way to some goal that I'm still not exactly sure of. And even though I'm sure I don't regret anything that I've left behind along the way, it's hard not to think of how staying put at any particular moment might have changed everything.
The milestones (in no particular order):
* I moved on from a love that I once thought would last forever. Aside from the random letter written on pages torn from a journal, all of it is so far in the past that sometimes it is difficult to remember.
* I packed it all up again and moved to the Mississippi Delta so that I could see the frequently sad but equally joyous eyes of children that I never realized existed.
* I got a real job, though many of you might argue with that statement.
* I bought a car. (!!) That still doesn't seem real. I adore her and she gets me everywhere I need to go and then some. Hopefully Zelda will get an honorable mention in many year-in-reviews to come.
* I entered into the most beautiful, wonderful, and supportive group of friends in the world. They make me feel free and happy and safe even when the world is crashing down around me.
* I now sleep in a room with hardwood floors, seven windows with airy white curtains, and a doorknob that falls off if you touch it the wrong way. It seems like a very simple thing, but to realize that there is a room that is the equivalent of your personality can be the most pleasant and comforting thing in the world.
* I graduated from college with a degree that I had known I would get since I was fourteen, and one that I wanted because it made my soul happy, and I started graduate school in a state that I hadn't even visited before showing up for classes.
The distances:
* now almost exactly 23 years before I was welcomed onto the planet.
* 10 years since I've celebrated a birthday in the Central Time Zone. (Now I can celebrate my birth minute as it was meant to be celebrated!)
* 8 years since the night when the most complicated relationship of my life began.
* 7 years since the almighty 16th birthday when one is supposed to get one's driver's license... (8 months since I actually got said driver's license)
* 2 years since becomming legal, less than 48 hours since I've been IDed to verify that fact.
It is all too much, but it is all too little. Snow would make things better, but I'll have to settle for a windy, dry cold.
Happy Birthday to me in two and a half hours.
Heather at 3:11 PM
