Monday, August 25, 2003
Barefootnhippie Comments and other related bullshitSince I'm not posting, and no one else has comments, Faith gets my two cents, as always. And it goes a little something like this...
I had one of those big long weeks where you spend a lot of time inside your own head. And I guess I made a lot of decisions about myself and my place in the world. And I think my only misstep in all of that is that I didn't share it with anybody. But I didn't even realize what had been happenning until I sat at the picnic table with John after lunch and finally had ten minutes to let it all out. And even then, I couldn't find a way to say any of without some sort of wiser-than-thou pretext, but John can overlook that so easily that I knew I could finally talk. (Remember people, these are our lifelong friends. How we all seemed to simultaneously forget that, I can't be sure.)
You see, all my life I've never known where the brakes are. I've never cared to know. It's always been one dramatic swerve around a corner followed by a confusing road then another swerve, usually in an opposite direction. But somehow, I seem to have grown up, thanks mainly to one new friend and one new boy who, when combined, have strengthened whatever little perspective on the world I've been trying to formulate in the last 23 years. And somehow I've finally realized that THIS is it. This isn't some lovely little stop-over while I wait for my life to get rolling. This IS my life and it can only be what I make it. And in a way, I guess I'm saying that from a somewhat privileged position, knowing that my sister is closer now than she has been in five years, and knowing that I'm in a relationship that is more comfortable and challenging than anything I've ever gotten myself into.
So about class and friends and that little "d" word that everyone keeps throwing around...
I came in with a chip on my shoulder. And those "dark cloud" people that I want to slap in the face every time I see them, well, I just couldn't take it anymore. Saturday morning was my breaking point because I was finally tired of there always being someone who felt obligated to bring people down and who thought it was their job to remind everyone that this is a less-than-ideal situation. Maybe I stepped on some toes. (I do clearly recall getting screamed at.) But I still don't give a damn, because, god help us, all of this has to be about LOVE. We have to get up in the morning and go to these falling-down-around-your-ears schools because we LOVE being there. We have to go to Oxford and get "educated" because we LOVE the people that have amazingly been placed in our lives. We have to come home to our entirely cheap and beautiful houses because we LOVE our roommates and the solace of the enviroment we've each been lucky enough to create for ourselves. And, most of all I suppose, we have to LOVE ourselves for being crazy enough to do any of this in the first place.
Yes, I realize all of that sounds like more bullshit than anything that was labeled as such in class. But, in all honesty, every word of it was said with greater truth than anything else that's ever been posted on this blog. And in grand-blog-style, all of it remains under the heading of comments to barefootnhippie, as it all so beautifully falls under the mantra and motivation of that site.
Heather at 2:38 PM
Saturday, August 16, 2003
New best feeling in the world:Coming home late after what has proved to be an entirely unproductive, uneventful day except for the .3 second glance I can recall from this morning of a certain someone buttoning up his shirt for work, hair still wet from the shower. However, I have discovered that the best friend I've been claiming for approximately 14 months is the favorite poet I never knew I had.
She is a genius in more ways than I ever realized. Go read something.
Heather at 10:42 PM
Dear Lizzie, Faith, and other interested parties:I have no excuses, but can offer up some sort of englishy equation (oxymoron, yes?) for my absence.
Since I last wrote..
A totally fulfilling Wendesday + Many more fulfilling days to follow + the distraction of possibly the most wonderful guy on the planet + the start of school and regular Delta-educational-bullshit + the strain of not having John around + the occasional commute to Cleveland + many other random, yet-to-be-accounted-for factors = a noticabley absent blogger.
My apologies to anyone who sets their watch by my posts. As of this moment, you are precisely 10 days and five hours behind schedule.
In blog-haitus-solidarity,
The Management
Heather at 10:12 AM
Wednesday, August 06, 2003
Oh my goodness, it's so totally Wednesday, and thanks to the faithful support of the "Till Wednesday Siege" Support Group, I appear to have survived. Of course, all will not be revealed/consumated until said "Till Wednesday" Enforcer gets off work and makes his final decision about whether or not this damned wednesday mess has reached its conclusion.Hopefully there will be much to post later. Or better yet, maybe there will be nothing to post because it will all be of too graphic of a nature for the unflinchingly pure-minded readers I have.
Heather at 3:08 PM
Sunday, August 03, 2003
28 totally unrelated thoughts, insights, current events, plans for world peace and/or domination...1. I'm spending too much time on the phone, so quit freakin calling me.
2. I was kidding, keep calling. I promise I'll talk.
3. Karaoke is the devil in disguise.
4. There may not be such a thing as a "free lunch" but you can sure as hell get a free dinner in Greenville.
5. Devious plots are fun, especially when they lead to "I can tell this story at your wedding/funeral/post-breakup-sob-fest" conversations after devious plot has been successfully carried out.
6. Boys who watch Sex and the City are deep, but not necessarily in ways that one might think.
7. If your friend decides to wear a wool tubetop in August, go along with it.
8. If you don't know what a "woogie" or a "hoo-hoo" is, you should call me. (see above)
9. "New Boy" is freakin awesome.
10. The "Till Wednesday Seige" will certainly be the death of me.
11. I've decided to do absolutely no planning for school.
12. Ok, so maybe I'll plan a little bit, but it's already getting late so I'll sleep in tomorrow and I have other non-school stuff to accomplish, so maybe Tuesday is more my day.
13. Yeah, I know you other losers are out there planning your asses off. Suckers.
14. I still think I should buy some Nutella just because Kobe Bryant is on the label.
15. I'm scared of going to pay rent tomorrow because the rent people are mean and they're going to scream at me.
16. More than likely, I'll scream back.
17. And then I'll get arrested.
18. But my dad still owes me one Get Out of Jail Free card, so I might have to use it.
19. I'm thinking maybe I should sweep my room because the dust bunnies are bigger than my head.
20. And there are dirty dishes in the sink. Again.
21. Perhaps I should consider the merits of anorexia to prevent this never-ending supply of dirty dishes.
22. I spent nearly three hours writing in my journal today.
23. Mostly about the "Till Wednesday Siege" and an unnamed brainstorm that is conquering my tiny little mind.
24. The low: realizing that free dinner wasn't worth being somewhere that I didn't really want to be.
25. The high: that look in his eyes when we both know it sure as hell isn't Wednesday, but we can both tell that we wish it were.
26. The bad: Looks like the terror level will probably rise sometime this week. Again.
27. The ugly: You should see these mosquito bites.
28. The good: I've smiled so much in the past two weeks that I should be arrested.
Heather at 11:45 PM
For the sake of cheesinessNo, I haven't been posting. No, I don't feel bad about it. Went driving with Jenny tonight on a covert mission to Cleveland. Sang our butts off on the way home and decided on a "Theme Song of the Moment" for me as the "Till Wednesday Seige" continues. So, song lyrics, and that's all you're getting out of me, you greedy little bastards.
Break Away
John Mayer
If melody is my destiny
Then what's left of me
I'll give to you
If next to me
Is all that you need to be
Would you settle for fantasy
If its the best you could do
Can I have my cake
Can I have you too
Would you follow me
Could I ask you to
Would the world between us
Break these ties
We've work so hard to realize
Can postcard say
What I see in your eyes
Could I ever break away
Would I be satisfied
And find peace inside
Rolling half my life
Over broken white lines
Can I have my cake
Can I have you too
Would you follow me
Could I ask you to
Will I wake up one morning
And see your face
And streaks on the window
That the rainstorm makes
Could you bear all the weight
And the strength that it takes
Could I ever break away
Can I have my cake
Can I have you too
Would you follow me
Could I ask you to
Would the world between us
Break these ties
We've worked so hard to realize
Can a postcard say
What I see in your eyes
Could I ever break away
Heather at 10:11 PM
